ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
