So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
