My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
