I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Then you guys just all showered together...?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
