He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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