It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
