direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
