who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
