We're facebook friends in real life
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
