You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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