you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
