"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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