Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
