guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
