I didn't shave. On purpose
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
