Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
