someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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