I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
