It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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