My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
