I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
