I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
