i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
