i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How naked do you want me to be?
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