is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
