all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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