Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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