You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
