guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
