Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Someone signed my nipple.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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