wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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