we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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