So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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