the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
try to milk me bitch
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