dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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