she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
