i would punch a child for taco bell
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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