thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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