We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
