haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
