I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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