I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
