He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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