Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
