I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
