Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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