This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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