She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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