is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
