...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
