1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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